Annoyed by Jsome1
Do you find people around you rude and obnoxious? Does the store cashier ignore you to chitchat on the phone or to their coworker? Do people honk their horn for no reason, tailgate and speed through exit ramps? Do you find others are short-tempered, pushy and impatient? If so, what can you do about it?
Not much, I’m afraid. You can’t change other people. It’s true – ask any woman who married a man she thought she could “perfect.” The best solution is to treat people the way you want to be treated. Yes, it’s Pollyanna. Yes, it doesn’t work when you’re overworked and stressed out. But hopefully you’ve been taking my previous advice and doing your best to life a happy, fun, stimulating and emotionally satisfying life.
But for some quick techniques, try these tips:
- Take a deep breath. This tip is repeated over and over on my blog because it works. If someone writes a check for a tube of toothpaste, or yells at their kids and makes them cry, there’s not much you can do to change it. So you must ask yourself – what is more important, being righteously indignant and letting your blood pressure rise along with your temper, or simply taking 5-10 calming breaths while you remind yourself that this is only a 5 minute or 10 minute part of your 24 hours today.
- Speak up. If a coworker is taking over the meeting, your waiter is sarcastic or offensive, or your colleague is taking credit for your work, let someone know. In the meeting try saying “We’re getting off-topic here, can we go back to point #2, I’d like to go into that some more.” For the waiter or the colleague, you can choose to talk to them personally or speak to a manager or supervisor about their behavior. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
- Divert your attention. Sometimes the problem is a rude family member, an obnoxious neighbor, or even a loudly barking dog. If this is the case try to do something to take your mind off the annoyance. Go play with the kids to get away from the complainer, figure out your neighbor’s schedule and try to do your yard work when they are out, and turn up the TV or listen to your MP3 player if the dog is too noisy. It isn’t a perfect plan, but with practice it can ease your stress level and put a quick stop to the irritation you feel.
- Look for the lesson. Yes, we’ve all heard this one, and we hate it don’t we? Why can’t we just be mad, and push them back? Well, maybe it has something to do with us. Perhaps we are worried and upset and are unconsciously giving others the “evil eye.” Maybe we’re self absorbed and they bumped into us because we weren’t paying attention. Make sure that you’re not the reason for the rudeness before you go judging the other person.
- Exaggerate. When someone is insufferable and offensive use your imagination and go overboard. Use the old curse “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.” Imagine throwing a pie in their face, or beating them with your golf club, pulling a machine gun on them or even tossing them into a rabid zombie pit. The idea is to go so far above what your feeling of revenge is that you see the silliness in it and laugh.
Feel free to share your own tips in the comment section. (I’m sure we could all use the help.)
SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT SHOP IN MY GROCERY STORE ARE VERY RUDE, AND JUST PLAIN STUPID, WHY IS THIS? IS LIFE REALLY THAT BAD? MAYBE THEY SHOULD GET COUNSELING??? ANYTHING TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT LIFE, LEAVE YOUR PROBLEMS AT HOME, DON’T TAKE THINGS OUT ON THE POOR CLERK, THEY HAVE ENOUGH SHIT TO DEAL WITH ALREADY!!!!
Yes I totally agree… I’ve just delt with an extremely rude client. I think some of these people really dont understand real life and throw temper tantrums at the littlest of things. This person looks as if she is in her fifties and is acting so immature.. acting like a diva, lol.
Rude shop keepers – how does that work?
There is a Chinese saying along the lines of… “if you open a shop you better learn to smile”
People use all kinds f excuses for being rude to other people. I have heard them all, from “I’m tired”, to “My mother died last week.”
The bottom line is that there is NO excuse for being rude to another person. If you are rude, it’s not because of some circumstance, it’s because you are a rude person. Period.
Ditto! Great response…
That’s not entirely fair. I agree that some may mask their rudeness behind excuses that are constantly being used to excuse their behavior, but I would have to agree that there are times when people can be legitimately overwhelmed and they don’t handle it well. I think the main difference is do they recognize that and are they willing to concede they’re over exaggerating or being rude etc.
I don’t feel it makes anyone more superior by saying you’re rude and I’m not because we are all human and everyone slips now and again. Who has NEVER been rude to another person?
I work with an incredibly rude person. He acts like he absolutely no respect for me and others around him. Because he is good enough at his job for the school top brass to think it easier for them to keep him on, he keeps his job.
I really like these suggestions. It is definitely not the best idea to fight back and go down to their level, but imagined revenge can be somewhat satisfying.
Thanks to everyone who commented on this article. Re-reading this I can see this isn’t my best work, but certainly the topic is very important to many of us. Thanks for your insight and suggestions.
I agree with the above post. Personally I cannot understand why you would not want to make an effort in this regard anyway. Only the other day, at work we had exactly the same conversation and came to a similar closing
Pray for them. And ourselves. Believe me, I know this is hard. I am struggling with this situation right now. Every time I replay the situation in my mind, my blood begins to boil. But retaliation usually comes back to bite you, and that is not the way of GOD. The hardest thing I have ever had to learn is to not play judge and jury. That is GOD’s job, not mine.
I have an annoying nine-year-old cousin. We’re five years apart and you think we would get along better. Today, i offered to straighten her hair. she wants me too and she doesn’t. She’s afraid I’ll burn her and she asked my stressed mom if I knew how to do hair and got an “I don’t know” form my stressed mother. She’s always so rude and prissy and acts like a princess ALL THE TIME!!! What should I do?
wow thats a very bad problem i’m so sorry i dont know what to do as well!
It sounds like you are the one with the problem. How is it rude to be concerned that someone might burn you and to get an opinion from someone else as to whether the person is up to the job?
You sound like the rude one labelling her a princess. She’s only nine give her a break and learn some patience.
HI i cam onto this website because at work there is a rude bossy mean person called Ellie and me and my mates want to teach her a lesson how could i do that?
I liked the whole artical but the last part of imagining shotting the people that you hate is kind of dangerous!!!
today i called an office for my human resource mangament course we have a project submitted on the 17th.so she told me the procedure to book an interview and all i asked from her was if she could line the appointment a bit earlier cuz the deadline was near and all and she started becoming so rude to me …like they have other stuff to work …and we shouldve been more proactive and that they dont work on our demands it was pretty silly the way she said i was pressurizing her :S…..and i didnt know what to day cuz i just requesting and i aksed in such a good way ..she cudve just said our higher authorites wud handle that im not aware of when they wil schedule why did she have to be so rude to me??
I thank you guys for your shining wisdom.Actually rude people think they are ”paragons of vertue”.There is a saying in our land that goes ”If you start arguing with a mad person,no one will be able to differentiate you from them”The best thing here is to just give them your ears..When they get tired, they will cool down after-wards and you will be able to prove your point.
This article is somehow helpful. 😉
I have a colleague who’s so rude that she would scold an innocent visitor for coming into the office. Her voice sounds like a Japanese animation, sharp and she laugh like an evil witch. I pity her for being rude without realizing it but it’s obviously a problem when she’s rude and loud to everyone in the office as well. I always think about this quote when she’s rude to me ‘what comes around goes around’.
Rude people… it’s a cry (LOUD CRY!) for attention.
Think about it. When there’s no need for it yet it seems to get exercised then there’s no doubt about the possibility that these individuals simply haven’t matured beyond the play pin and so they continue to throw their toys out of it.
Do what any real self respecting adult does.
Ignore it.
It’s not really your problem.
I had a junior employee who was rude to me as unbelievable as it was and even though she knew I would evaluate her at one point which was hard for me to do. Being honest but diplomatic: I did it but the horrors of the experience working with her still haunt me today….oh well….
I work as a cashier, its nice to see that im not alone with dealing with rude people. When you cant do what you want to do, and tell the customer how you feel about the way they are acting. Ive had people throw a tantrum because their bank card wouldnt go through, i had a man yesterday snatch his liscense, his receipt, his groceries, all because i was doing my job ( we have to card everyone for alcohol). I really really like the zombie pit thing..and its nice to know that before reading this article i was somewhat on the right track.
I like to play Halo, i always envisioned the customer as a Grunt, and i shoot em in the head, and their head explodes with confetti…only Halo gamers could envision that…^_^ thanks for the article.
I have a rude “friend” or acquaintance. When we are together, she always has some barbed remark to make with me as her target. I don’t respond to her in any way. When several of our group are supposed to meet, she is always late–up to a half hour late–while the rest of us are on time or even early. I think this is arrogance on her part and disrespectful. I’m thinking of calling her to ask her what the problem is and call her on her behavior in a calm manner. Maybe she would watch her behavior(and maybe even arrive on time.) Don’t know. Any suggestions?
I work at a nursing home, and the administrator is rude to everyone. It seems that she really enjoys to scream and yell. This is the reason why I went on-call, and after the other day, I don’t even want to pick up shifts there any more. She must really be unhappy with her own life that she has to take it out on other people, but if you are that unhappy with your life, then you should not be working directly with people.
April Spring, I’d love to hear a blog post on the issue of rudeness in friendships. I’ve been encountering that a lot too and it drives me wild…I’m not really sure what the solution is though. If you say something they act hurt and offended and you get ‘phased out’. If you don’t say anything, they keep up the passive aggressive behaviour until it’s so bad you have to phase them out. It seems to be a growing issue…maybe our culture just encourages selfishness.
It does sound like your friend is being very passive aggressive with you. The barbed remarks are particularly frustrating to deal with – I can relate to that. Take some space from this friend perhaps, or let her know it’s out of line. As for the lateness, it could well be the same root cause. Keep in mind though that there are some people out there who just struggle with time management and under-estimate how much time getting ready takes, are stretched too thin, or just aren’t very organized.
I think the worst is rude classmates. No matter the school we are in be it middle or college we have a fucking rude classmate. My own expeirence is with a certain girl who was extremely rude and talking during choir, even during the time when we sang and was disrespectful to the teacher. It annoyed so much that at a point I flipped out(due to social anxiety which made the normal disruptions worse) and told her to stop talking. She comes back in my other class and pulls this stupid fake voice and tries to coodle me and my friend. I’m plain ignoring her because this girl doesn’t forgive and want to be my friend. My friend thinks its rude if I ignore her.
What’s a personal thought?
Is ignoring a rude classmate, rude back? Do they deserve it for disrupting my learning time?
I do not always agree that everyone that is being rude is having a bad day ,some people just have issues in their lives be it the way they were brought up to having no people skills . There is one such person on a group list that never has anything nice to say about someone. I would just call this person self centered and like the bully in school .These type of people need to be ignored and given no replys to comments they are looking for a response about ,as they do not know how to talk in a nice manner to others .
I have read a lot of advice on rude or disrespectful people. I am so tired of seeing how I have to “empathize” with them! The person I am trying to get advice for has had everything handed to her. EVERYTHING I do not and will not empathize with her. Some people are just jerks because they have had people bow down to them their whole life. It’s high time we stop those people! Stop letting others walk on you! Stop being afraid of rude disrespectful people! Let them know how that crap makes you feel!
For rude people sometimes the best thing to do is just ignore them until they apologize if at all they can or will. It is not worth continuing a relationship with people that are so outwardly rude that try to control you or the situation or is a “know-it-all”.
I was just given back all the shower gifts that were not on my niece’s registry. She kept what she wanted and gave me back the cute outfits, socks & bibs. Should I be offended? I am!
Ive got a bestfriend who is so rude, she himuliates me and changes her attitude when shes near her other friends, she talks about me outloud. People say to just leave her but im scared of her becuase shes quite popular and could get her friends on me 😦 i dont know what to do 😦 any tips?
im a door to door researcher, people are rude to me every day and I am becoming depressed, Im never rude back I just cry after a few hours, anyone got any ideas