Look Inside and Discover Your Fun.

Fun House by ~Semi Sweet~

Inspired by several posts I’ve read on one of my favorite websites, Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project,” I decided to delve into why it is so hard for us to just be ourselves. So often we put aside things that make us happy, doing things to please other people, or making decisions to increase our finances, instead of working on what we love for a little less pay.

It’s tough to look inside ourselves and admit that our goals, joys and dreams don’t match anyone else’s.  We feel vulnerable, exposed and directionless, trying to forge a new and different path.  Our instinctive fear of the unknown poses doubts and uncertainties in worst-case scenarios that play through our brains over and over.

Other times we left ourselves get caught up in the fast pace of living, and don’t make time to slow down enough to find out what we’re interested in.  Like college students who change their major every year, we drift along taking whatever job is offered, feeling dissatisfied, but not knowing exactly what we want.

It takes courage to admit to our family, friends and coworkers that our fantasy life is far different from what we are living. As Gretchen states in her Secret’s of Adulthood, “What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you - - and vice versa.”   Maybe you love dealing with numbers, but hate the chaos of teaching.  Perhaps you like staying up late, but you work a day job.

To help you identify what you really enjoy start by making a list.  Like the old children’s game Hot and Cold, make two columns. Put the stuff that makes you smile just to think about in one column, and the stuff that seems boring, dull or a pain to do in the other column.  Now just let yourself write.  Put down as many ideas as you can think of, shooting for at least 15 minutes, but taking as much as an hour.

Don’t worry about changing your life.  That can come later.  For now, just use a couple of ideas and add some fun to your day. Like Gretchen, I too have a wonderful addiction to children’s books. Like her, I used to hide the enjoyment I got from these books, as people looked at me somewhat strangely when they saw what I was reading.  But luckily I found another soul who enjoyed the innocence and playful that adult books lack and together we traded titles and authors, sharing the Harry Potter years together.

Your second step to more joy and happiness is to let go of expectations -yours and other peoples. Let yourself try that new Nintendo Wii system.  Buy yourself a copy of the original Scooby Doo cartoons on DVD and get out the popcorn.  Volunteer at the animal shelter and play with the dogs.  Join a reading group and share your love of books with others.  Don’t be afraid to be yourself, and you’ll find you have more energy and pleasure to give to others in return.

Don’t Listen to Your Critics

I want food! by foxypar4

Don’t do it.  Don’t listen to those voices that diminish and downplay your dreams and hard work.  Don’t let the limiting beliefs of others become part of the inner dialogue in your head.

It’s hard enough to get ahead in this world with all the bad news, forecasts of dire events, complaints and overall negativity.  The last thing any of us need is to give in to our critics.

I realize this is easier said than done.  We have to practice.  If you’re like me, you’ll get lots of it.  “That’s crazy,” or “Nobody’s done that before.”  One way to brush aside these comments is to imagine them said by someone in the past. Maybe Columbus or the Wright brothers.  Perhaps we could just imagine an ancient Egyptian or Native American saying those words.  It would give us a little more perspective and take the sting out of the pessimistic observations we hear.

Another great technique is to agree with it. I know - sounds weird right?  But sometimes agreeing with the criticism helps to diffuse it.  If we know the possible truth of someone’s words, we’re able to see past it to the opportunity it leaves us.  Maybe our idea is crazy - but is it also marketable?  Maybe no one has done it before - but could it be because you have the expertise they didn’t?

When you have a great new idea or creative concept, take it to people you trust.  Find a mentor who will give you honest feedback. Or run it by some anonymous people online.  They will have no problem telling you what they really feel, and it won’t bother you as much coming from a stranger.

Whatever the naysayers’ opinions, you can always do it anyway.  Even if you fail, you will learn a valuable lesson.  Many of the best inventors have said that their failures gave them more insight than their successes. Edison and the others can’t all be wrong.  Actually you can’t be all wrong either.

Get a support network together. Read some inspiring books to learn what others have overcome to achieve their goals.  Keep a list of what you know you’re good at to remind you of your strengths.  Have an optimistic friend on speed dial.  Find a mentor in a hobby group in your area of interest.

Keep your head up and your mind focused on the positive. Let the disapproval and blame wash away like dirt down the drain.  If occasionally you fall prey to feeling blue, use your support system like a crutch to prop you up until you’re back on your feet.  Above all, keep up the good work.

Doing the Best with What You Have

Smiling Pug - Happy Valentine’s Day From the Sweetest Smiling Pug/Bug Baby by *SMILING PUG*

Many are the times when what we have does not match the dreams we picture in our heads. Our house may be too small, our cars too old, or our bodies too flabby. Ask anyone - life is full of disappointments.

The key to living an enjoyable life is learning to do the best you can with what you have. It’s an optimistic point of view that says that your bed is worn, but it’s warm and comfy. Your clothes may be as old as your kids, but they fit well and are clean. And even if you can’t go out to eat every night, you can still afford a good steak for the grill when the mood strikes.

Life is all about give and take. Often life takes more than you are willing to give. But if your choices is to whine and moan about what you’re missing, or rejoice in what you have, your best option is obvious.

For instance, as an avid reader, I walk through any bookstore like a hungry lion that hasn’t eaten for a week. But I use my visit as an opportunity. I take a pad of paper and pen and write down the names of authors and books I would like to read. Then when I go to the library or used book store, I can find good choices easily.

Maybe you have a friend who hates the movies - so you go out to dinner instead. Or a family member who complains too much on the phone - so you learn to write letters in between calls. Using your creativity to solve life’s dilemmas is a successful strategy to more comfortable living.

When you find the positive in any given situation, you have achieved a real and lasting peace. When the trials and tribulations of life turn from barriers to stumbling blocks, you will know you are victorious.

Of course, new ideas are always welcome, and I would be thrilled to hear how you have learned to make the best out of what you already have. Feel free to share your ideas in the comments section below. Thanks for reading and have a great day!

10 Ways to De-stress Fast.

Basting by treyevan

With all the hustle and bustle of daily living, sometimes we feel like life is passing us by.  It’s important to take time to relax, to have fun and just enjoy a little free time.  Too often we’re so caught up in our have-to’s and our worries that we forget to let go and laugh. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Put On Some Music and Dance. Even if you don’t like to dance, you can still have fun.  Turn up the radio and rock to your favorite tune, or sing along to that sad, silly love song.  Listen to a classical melody to help you slow down after a hard day.  Whatever your style, there’s something for everyone.
2. Turn Out the Lights. A quick way to de-stress is to shut out outside disturbances.  Close the blinds, light a candle or incense and take some slow, deep breathes.  Let your worries fall away as you let your muscles unwind.
3. Do Some Simple Stretches. After a hard day at work, nothing’s more relaxing than simply stretching out the kinks and pains in your neck and back.  Lift your hands over your head and reach for the ceiling, then slowly bend and let your arms drift to the floor.  Add a little yoga or Pilates for deeper relief.
4. Spend 15 Minutes in the Sun. Sunshine is a great mood lifter.  Step out into the light and feel the wind on your face.  Listen to the birds chirping and watch a butterfly float in the air.  Let nature remind you of the beauty that surrounds you.
5. Pet Your Cat or Dog. The affection of your favorite pet can bring peace after a hard day.  Let their soft, silky fur and enthusiastic greetings bring a smile to your face.  Get on the floor with a ball of yarn or a tennis ball.  You’ll be entertained for an hour.
6. Turn On The TV. Watch a half hour of your favorite sitcom or comedy.  Whatever makes you laugh out loud.  Put your feet up and giggle till your belly hurts.
7. Try Some Art. Draw a picture, cut and arrange some flowers, play with clay or make your own greeting card.  Do a craft you find enjoyable and let your creative juices flow.  Scheduling time for yourself is important to your overall health.
8. De-clutter your house. Although it sometimes seems like a chore, in actuality making time to clean and get rid of excess junk can be very liberating since in the long run it will help you have more time for yourself.  The less you have, the less you clean.  Start with a drawer in the kitchen or the hallway closet.
9. Devote Some Time to Your Spiritual Side. Pray, meditate, read the bible or quotes from famous people.  Immerse yourself in feelings of love, joy and serenity.  Connect with others who are like-minded, in church, at home or even online.
10. Break It Down. Make a list of what is bothering you right now.  Take action on what you can, get help for what you can’t, and let go of the rest.  Forgive yourself for being imperfect and do the best you can.

Bliss is all around us.

View of Mountains through Valley by mark.woodbury

Do you ever have of a moment of pure bliss? When all is right with the world for that one millisecond of time and life seems perfect and beautiful? Isn’t it great? Doesn’t it just make you want to hug the next person you see and share your joy?

There are so many brilliant, delightful, breath-taking, awe-inspiring things in this world; there are moments when I am moved to tears by the beauty of the earth. Like today, watching a robin cocking its head to listen to the ground as it looked for a morning meal. Or looking out the window and seeing the sunlight filtering through the gleaming green leaves of newly sprouted spring trees.

So many marvels wait to be discovered. Like holding the fragile, tiny fingers of a newborn baby, or watching dolphins swim and play beside your boat as you hurtle through the cool clear water. Even the simple task of eating can bring you bliss when you put all of your attention to it. Like eating a red, ripe strawberry, letting the sweet juices slide down your face.

One of my favorite blissful activities is to laugh. I love finding new ways to make myself laugh until my stomach hurts. Anything will do - a pillow fight, teasing my dogs with a new toy, sharing a private joke with a friend or going to a great comedy movie. Happiness may be fleeting, but moments of fun can be treasured for years and years.

The easiest and most effective way I’ve found to add more bliss to your day is to simply slow down. Choose a few minutes, sit down and relax. Read an inspirational quote or phrase, sit and watch the clouds pass by, watch some children at a playground or just look out the window and watch the squirrels frolic and cavort. There are simple joys all around when you are alert and aware enough to notice them.

Although for years I’ve enjoyed keeping a Joy List, I’m thinking about upgrading. Doesn’t a Bliss List sound even better? Imagine writing down all those wonderful moments that make you feel fabulous. In fact, forget the list, let’s start a Bliss Journal. I’m sure that much like my Gratitude Journal it would be fun, enlightening and very, very rewarding. There’s no time like the present.

Finding Joy Through Pain.

Desert Dandelion by Dawn Endico

During the last several months I have been away from home dealing with a family emergency.  In that time I have dealt with daily concerns, worries, mix-ups and misunderstandings.  I have been worried, troubled, confused and lost.  Away from my home and routine and in unfamiliar territory, difficulties proved harder to resolve.

In the midst of the mayhem, I took relief in whatever form I could find it. From something as simple as watching a squirrel play in the trees, seeing the brightly colored flowers bloom, or enjoying the flavor of a hot meal and the satisfaction of a full belly after a long day.

What kept me going during all the turmoil, were the small escapes, the simple joys that so many people overlook: walking the dogs in the bright sunshine of early morning, listening to the chirping birds welcoming a new day, and writing down my troubles and fears on paper to keep them out from circling endlessly in my head.  In the chaos it was easy to appreciate the little things.

In the week I’ve been home, I’ve slowly begun to readjust to a “normal” life.  A life not filled with a daily crisis, where dishes can wait for a few hours as I read a book or enjoy a nap.  A place where I can choose to sleep in late or go to bed early.  A chance to make time to watch a silly movie, play a video game or shop for an hour just for the fun of it.

What really moved me is this:  it is vitally important to find those things in life you enjoy, and do them. Writing down a Joy List, or keeping a gratitude journal will help you discover what makes you smile and laugh.  Having a list of places to visit, things to do, and people to see will help you reconnect more quickly after the unexpected hits.

During the grueling and overwhelming dilemmas that I encountered over the past several months, my years of visiting uplifting web sites, reading self-help books, keeping a gratitude journal and other positive thinking techniques left me with a ready-made resource of inspiration when I needed it most.

Even on my most tedious and frustrating day, I was able to remind myself not to watch the “bad news” on TV, to skip the newspaper headlines for the funnies, and to take a few extra minutes before leaving my room in the morning to simply enjoy the beginning of a new day.  Habits I have gained over many years proved invaluable to keeping me sane during even the most distressful days.

I am so happy to be home again.  I’m thrilled to have my high-speed Internet back, all my favorite upbeat blogs, and the chance to catch up on the good things I’ve missed, like reconnecting with family and friends.  I sincerely doubt I’d be so ready and eager to do those things without the benefits of gratitude, joy and positive thinking.  I’m still not entirely myself, but with a little more time I look forward to feeling better than ever, any maybe even passing on a few helpful lessons along the way.

Humor is great medicine.

Smile! by .Pete.

Hello again friends and fans. When last you heard from me I believed I was home to stay, but alas, I was wrong yet again. The family emergency my husband and I were attending resurfaced when the family member returned to the hospital and needed additional care.

During all the chaos, fear, uncertainty and confusion, I seemed to have temporarily lost all the humor skills I gained over the past few years. Only after becoming completely frazzled, did my humor button seem to start working again. You know how sometimes you laugh so hard you cry? Well, sometimes you get so worn out and overwhelmed that the least little joke will having you laughing like a loon.

At first I was too tired to think clearly, and afraid that my laughter or smiling would be misunderstood as being unconcerned or uncaring. I quickly began to realize how untrue that is. In difficult and stressful times, humor and laugher is a healing balm. Not just for you, but for everyone around you. While in some serious conversations and situations it may not be appropriate, many times it helps relieve tension for everyone in the room, and puts us all at ease. A shared joke or smile lets people feel bonded together, and brings a levity needed for discussion of sensitive subjects.

Now as I finally find time to write this, I recognize how much a good sense of humor helps you. It can make you’re every day life a lot of fun and get rid of minor irritations, but in a serious situation it can be a lifeline to a calm and peaceful frame of mind. Whenever I have shared a smile or a laugh with others, it has lightened the mood and been an enjoyable event for all concerned. It dissolves tension and promotes comfort. Even a simple a thing as reading a funny email, seeing a silly commercial, or sharing a joke with a friend can bring a few minutes of comfort and joy.

I hope that everyone reading today will recognize the truth of this. Humor is a great healer, especially when done with consideration and caring. Sharing a laugh, a smile and a common bond can benefit everyone involved in a stressful and upsetting circumstances. It can bring new perspectives and solutions, and help you see beyond the current crisis. It allows us all to admit that we are not perfect, and our imperfection is funny. It encourages sharing of embarrassing or uncomfortable topics, which is usually precisely what needs to be discussed.

For ideas on how to get started adding more humor to your day click on my article “Increase your fun,” at the top of the page for some ideas to help you increase your sense of humor now, so you’ll be ready for the next crisis that hits you.